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For the last several years, I've been a reporter for the Boldface Names column in the New York Times, which means that I go out and party with celebrities several times a week. Here's your chance to learn what doesn't make it into the paper.
Sandra Bernhard show - April 7, 2006
I think Liza is back on the sauce. At the end of our interview, she gave me a hug and air-kiss goodbye, and I almost got a contact high.
"Drawing Restraint 9" premiere - March 30, 2006
I thought Matthew Barney's movie was hilarious. Also it made me hungry. And yes, Bjork is every bit as cute as she seems.
"Lucky Number Slevin" premiere - March 23, 2006
Yes, it's Tarantino-esque, but I still liked it. Great wallpaper.
"Failure to Launch" premiere - March 10, 2006
Animal reportage is my strong suit.
"The Heart is Deceitful Above All Things" premiere - March 3, 2006
That Winona Ryder is such a scamp.
Paula Laurence memorial - January 27, 2006
I hope one day someone calls me a tomato.
Lou Reed Art Opening - January 26, 2006
There has been some debate as to whether Lou Reed deserves to be such a prick, given his body of work. My vote is no. Of course, that means I can't be one either, but it hasn't stopped me.
NY Film Critics Circle Awards - January 10, 2006
What an appropriate one-year anniversary for this page: interviewing Edie Falco's purse-holder. For the record, he was awesome. And he also does satchels, brown bags, and granny carts.
Kazakhstan responds to Borat - December 23rd, 2005
Also known as, it's the holidays and there's not much going on.
Premiere of "Three Burials" - December 16th, 2005
I really didn't want to believe Al Gore would be this boring.
Premiere of "King King" - December 7th, 2005
The performing dogs were the best.
Screening of "History of Violence" - November 23th, 2005
Ok, I was being condescending.
Country Music Awards - November 17th, 2005
Joan Rivers went crazy because I was wearing these earring that she thought were from her QVC Collection. In fact, I'd bought them for $5 on the street. I'm not sure if that speaks worse of me or Joan.
Susan Stroman benefit dinner - November 9th, 2005
If I start calling people 'darling,' blame Marian Seldes. She makes it sound so natural.
An Out-of-Context Moment with Anthony Mackie - October 27th, 2005
I was kind of busy in October.
Premiere of "The Squid and The Whale" - September 28th, 2005
Jesse Eisenberg is gonna be big.
Premiere of "Proof" - September 15th, 2005
Math geniuses are not this attractive.
Shakespeare in the Park - September 9th, 2005
Always a lovely evening. This time I heard Jason Lewis utter the phrase: 'What am I, chopped liver?' Blond people should not be allowed to do this.
"The Baxter" Premiere - August 26th, 2005
Michael Ian Black is great.
Amsterjam - August 24th, 2005
Best.Interview.Ever.
"Four Brothers" premiere - August 12th, 2005
I really hope the punk-hayseed look takes off.
"Reel Paradise" premiere - August 10th, 2005
Even though it controverts most male stereotypes, Kevin Smith told me he hates the Three Stooges. So of course, I asked him if that made him feel less manly. "Yeah, but I've always known that," he said. "I'm about one inch shy of being a woman anyway. I've got the boobs."
Andy Warhol's Bday - August 8th, 2005
There was also a guy (with a combover!) who invited me to go see Eminem with him. When I asked him why, he said, 'Because I want to date a New York Times reporter.' Um, gross.
"Broken Flowers" premiere - July 29th, 2005
I really hope the Bill Murray catchphrase takes off.
"The Aristocrats" premiere - July 28th, 2005
I asked Paul Provenza what he could possibly do as a follow-up to "The Aristocrats."
"You know the children's book, 'Everyone Poops'?'" he said. "I'm doing the film."
Peggy Siegal's Birthday - July 22nd, 2005
It is verboten to say anything bad about Peggy. But once or twice people have mistaken me for her (from the back), and I didn't sleep well those nights.
Friends of the High Line Benefit - July 15th, 2005
Man, is Ed Norton boring.
Premiere of "Fantastic Four" - July 8th, 2005
A very strange night. The Swedish reporter was my favorite. She was Campbell's favorite too, but for a different reason.
Premiere of "Undead" - July 6th, 2005
The zombies who showed up got posters.
Gossip Quiz - June 30th, 2005
Test your knowledge.
Premiere of "Dark Water" - June 29th, 2005
At one point in the movie, the laundry becomes possessed. Also, children are frightening.
Wendy Williams CD release party - June 24th, 2005
For me, the best part of going to events at all those faux-trendy, big box clubs on the far west side is going to my favorite cabbie deli for dinner after (all-you-can-eat Indian for $6!). This time I met a great guy, a 50-something Nigerian accountant who frequents clubs in Williamsburg and who offered to cook me an African dinner. I think I'll take him up on it.
Outdoor Screening of "Rize" - June 17th, 2005
I got nothing.
Lobster Feast at the Palm - June 16th, 2005
So I asked Gilbert Godfried when his new DVD will be coming out. "I don't know," he said. "I have no career."
It's funny because it's true.
The Songwriters Hall of Fame Awards - June 14th, 2005
This event is a strange mix of blue-haired, Tin Pan Alley-vintage songwriters and whatever young, "hip" pop singers they can con into coming. There's a lot of thanking of new wives.
The Tonys - June 7th, 2005
The reporter who meta-stalked Hank Azaria was from Inside TV, the new TV Guide fluff. I love that she'd been thinking about that for a year.
The Drama Desk Awards - May 25th, 2005
Rue McClanahan is still hot to trot. Who knew?
The Obies - May 20, 2005
The Obies were boring. Who knew?
Riverkeepers benefit - May 19, 2005
One of my favorite bits got left off of this. A TV reporter was asking everybody if they were excited about the new Star Wars movie. Are you a Star Wars fan? she asked Christie Turlington. "Not at all," Ms. Turlington replied sweetly. "It's over my head."
Premiere of "Transamerica" - April 27, 2005
I told Felicity Huffman I thought Letterman would've liked her catfight bit. "I know! I know!" she said. "Particularly if we took off our shirts."
Premiere of "The Interpreter" - April 21, 2005
The red carpet is a very special place. At the end of this event, I rode off of it in a hand-made prototype car worth $1.2 million. But before that, I saw a Japanese TV reporter kneel down and pet the red carpet, as if to say, "'Look, my friends! It is not just a dream. It is a real and very powerful floor covering, and it exerts a force more compelling than we know, which will be demonstrated later, much, much later, when Mariah Carey arrives on the arm of adorably roly-poly director Brett Ratner, and even though it will be a half-hour after the movie has already started, and the local stagehands union will already have started breaking down the walkway, and most of the photographers and TV crews will have already packed up and left, she will insist on walking the entire length of this carpet, littered as it will be with stray bags of popcorn, and the publicists will frantically shout into their headsets, 'She's going to walk! I can't believe it!' But, my TV friends, I will believe it, because that is the magic of the red carpet."
(Or maybe he's just a fan of shag.)
Premiere of "Reefer Madness" - April 15, 2005
Again with the Alan Cumming! He even badmouthed the column to another reporter. What a humorless prick. Aside from that, Ana Gasteyer was very nice. Here's some "racy" stuff from her that was cut: Ana Gasteyer, formerly of "Saturday Night Live," was chatting with Maya Rudolph when we approached. We asked her about the experience of spending much of "Reefer Madness" drenched in fake blood (corn syrup, actually)."I basically weaned my daughter because she came to the set ready to nurse and she was like, 'Mommy, your boobs are covered with red!'" Ms. Gasteyer said. "Then she got a sweet tooth."
GLAAD Awards - March 30, 2005
This very nice and tasteful story doesn't mention the fact that Alan Cumming was a total pill, telling me he thought the column was mean-spirited (hello, he's not exactly Mary Poppins either), and then pretending he would talk to me, only to turn around a few minutes later and say, "I don't really want to talk to you. Is that ok?" Um, no, Alan, no it isn't. In a way, though, you have to admire his panache. If only he'd thrown in a 'buddy.'
Danny Aiello cabaret concert - March 18, 2005
Danny Aiello turned out to be very sweet, but he's still got that wiseguy look. Every time he pointed his finger out at the crowd when he sang, I felt mildly threatened.
Comedy Benefit for Autism Research - March 17, 2005
I was really excited to interview Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog. During his TV interviews, Robert Smigel, the comedy genuis with his hand up Triumph's ass, was very strict about mic/camera placement, but thanks to a previous experience interviewing Muppets, I was confident I knew what to do. But when it came time for me and my tape recorder, Smigel totally abandoned the poor puppet, basically stuffing him into a pocket and just doing the voice to answer my questions. Another dream shattered.
Premiere of "Off the Map" - March 11, 2005
Campbell Scott is cute. New Mexico is crazy. End of story.
Oscar-watching party at Elaine's - March 1, 2005
Where to begin? Tony Danza showing me how to take someone out with a quick upper-cut to the jaw? Regis Philbin suddenly grabbing my face with both hands, feeling around as though he were blind, and screaming, 'Who is this? Who is this?' The table almost catching fire? Let's go with the mortal danger: during dinner, an errant menu met a votive candle and caught on fire. Between Regis and Tony yelling over each other, the pay phones constantly ringing, the waiters hurrying back and forth, and, of course, the Oscars themselves, no one noticed. Except for me, because I am blessed/cursed with a super sense of smell. So I tracked down the smoky scent and put out the flaming menu. "Thank God the New York Times was here!" Regis screamed (he'd decided early on that learning my real name wasn't a priority and simply called me "New York Times" all night). Joy also thanked me. A few days later, in two separate publications, I read accounts of this near-disaster; they both credited Regis with saving the situation (although one of them somehow worked in an assist by Katie Holmes, who was sitting five tables away). Do not, I repeat, do not, trust Cindy Adams's column or US Weekly for your Regis news from now on. And I haven't even mentioned Liza Minelli, the crasher, or the fact that my ears were ringing when I got home, from Tony and Regis trying to out-bark each other.
WGA East Awards - February 22, 2005
Tony Kushner told me he actually does think SpongeBob is gay. And Patrick, too.
Premiere, "The Exonerated" - January 27, 2005
Too bad there was never a 'Seinfeld' episode about spit talkers. Henry Schleiff, the ebullient head of Court TV, could've had a cameo.
Opening Night, "Fiddler on the Roof" - January 26, 2005
I love Harvey Fierstein. Once, when he was doing 'Hairspray,' I visited his dressing room with the mayor of Baltimore, Martin O'Malley, who stood in between Harv and I in the room. Would you ever visit, I asked Harvey, who was making 'yeah right' faces at me as the Mayor went on and on about how great B-more is. 'No way,' he mouthed over the Mayor's head. 'I'm scared.'
Deathly boring; someone at my table even fell asleep, and not in that oh-I-was-just-closing-my-eyes-and-letting-my-head-loll way either, but fully, to the point of light snoring. Last year, the combination of a drunky Quentin Tarantino and a genius Eugene Levy made this event fun, but this year the only fun attendee was Paul Giamatti (and Sarah Vowell, who voiced Violet in "The Incredibles," and who seemed deliciously out of place). By the way, Giamatti didn't say he didn't have the courage to talk to Clint Eastwood; he said he didn't have the balls. But the Times doesn't go for balls.